Marry a Thai Woman

Marry Thai girl

 

The typical knee jerk reaction to a Westerner foreigner falling for a Thai girl, especially one who works in a bar in any job there is that it is an automatic lost cause, setting up heartache and financial loss for the guy. The problem with this scenario is that it does not dig in to the girl’s point of view. Her point of view, along with much of Asian culture, is much more practical than romantic. This is true for the HiSo girl being encouraged into a favorable rich family-to-family marriage and, as expected, even more so as one goes down the economic ladder. The book Private Dancer is sniggering worthless; “Thailand Fever” is all you need, despite its misleading title.

My main point here is to try to give both sides. I have personal experience, close friend experience, and exposure to age range 18-25 y/o Thai girls and boys, about 350 over some yrs. teaching them. I have read and studied this phenomena as a sociologist.

The man….. The vast majority of Western men are not mentally ready for marriage to a Thai woman. First, he is raised in a romantic culture which believes in love as a basis for marriage and judges the woman’s intentions based on her showing romance to him. Then, he knows nothing about Buddhism which is completely soaked into Asia and knows very little of the history of the culture. Westerners believe, politically, that all people are created equal, and believe personally that all people deserve a good shot at a happy life based on hard work. Also, he was raised to believe that his life style and culture are superior to all others.

The Thai woman……. All these factors are involved; most are inverted. A Thai woman will dream of romance but not really believe it will come to her or that it should because she knows firmly that all people are NOT created equal on any standard–politically, economically, or personally. At the middle class and below, she is fully aware of her likely future life will be working below her native ability for peanuts pay, no job security, and will be sending a huge chunk of her pay to her home to take care of mom and dad (the Thai girl’s job, not the son’s). She may have been seduced by a Thai boy and with her sexual needs unencumbered by Western repression, she has a baby and her boy runs away. Thus, her additional factor is taking care of her child(ren).

Then, it is natural for the Thai girl to see a Western man as a way out of that grinding life. MBA girls start at 20,000THB and will earn less than a thousand USD a month for a long time. In a factory, $350/mo. Thus, the man must come to frank terms with the fact that part of her love/attraction to him is his economic support of her and her extended family. His failure in this matter is a deal breaker for her, and if he can not get really used to that, he will doubt the relationship and, using his idealized Western romance, feel she is just into him for the money. THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE totally true, but it is ALWAYS partly true–get used to it or get out. Further, he is very unlikely to be “her first” in any way.

Trying to be brief here, and specific to this question, if you are intent on a Thai girl long term relationship, YOU will have to do the majority of the adjustments if staying in Thailand (and I skip the huge, really huge, problem of trying to live and work in Thailand at your young age), and if you take her to a Western country to live, your chances are so high that she will become Westernized and stop being the Asian girl you fell for. Moving to your home is so likely for a disaster words fail me.

So a Western man MAY adapt to the economic dimensions, but can he become part Thai? Will he learn about and respect Buddhism? eat Thai food with the family? Will he wonder what is she doing, being work oriented as she is, while he is on his job? What about her child’s father lurking about? Will his angry demands repulse her? Can he speak any Thai? How will he feel when she sells the gold bracelet he got her with hearts on it? Is Papa really so expensively ill ? On and on………

Thus, a long marriage/live together with Thai girl and Western boy is very possible, but the load is on him, and he is usually thinking that because he is paying the bills, the load of change should be on her. Nope, it is on the male. Take a year of more to test yourself, young man, and if you can make it work, you will live like the king of the house, the honored male, leader of the big family, and you get the first piece of food and the largest cut of the birthday cakes (that you gave money to buy). Your Thai woman will be mopping up your throw up and translating for you to a doctor. Your bed time life will be intense and plentiful, but she will want your baby, too. Thai women are so much better in every way than current Westernized women, BUT Y O U have to make it happen. Good luck.

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About Charles Henry Harpole

Retired college teacher of cinema studies and film-making. Film Dept/Program founder and administrator. Buddhist. Amateur "ham" radio operator, HS0ZCW. Prepper evaluator
This entry was posted in Health and Sex, How to do things for yourself, Thailand and Travel, Women and Men and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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